#im personally gonna be moving more of own work into supporting more of my own bc im not really seeing that happening atm

[800-dick-pics]

I dont think most non black people actually want to face their own (personal and communal) anti blackness. Black people are not seeing enough of yall doing shit that actually matters like, cutting contact with your anti black family, giving up work promotions and giving the to black people, opening up your homes to poor/homeless black people, doing more than just casually reading vauge black leftist theory online and being "friends" with black people because you know itll boost your political capital.

I dont believe in black people giving our energy to non black people or their issues until we can give this level of support to our own communities. Most non black people do not care that we exist and the ones who do are falling short of what it means to truly be a friend and co conspirator. I dont believe in solidarity anymore, it literally cant exist if non black people do not choose to put a large organized sustained effort into combating anti blackness in their hearts, homes and communities.

[orcelito]

Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.

But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.

[seokmn]

chapter VIII : beers and late night talks

wc: 1.1k words

“so,” you said after taking a sip of your beer, looking at the night sky above you and seokmin, “one of my friends found his soulmate today”

seokmin only nodded, taking a sip of his beer before speaking up, “did it bother you? the fact that another person in your life found their soulmate and you still have no string with someone?”

“yes and no. im happy for him, i truly am.. but i got a bit jealous, not gonna lie. i felt the need to have the same experience, you know?” you looked down and scoffed, “ive always been so nonchalant about the fact that i dont have a soulmate, i always thought ‘oh, thats fine. i can still live my life’, but the past couple days ive been finding myself thinking about it, watching couples from far away… it kinda sucks”

“what if you were never okay with it? what if you were lying to yourself this whole time? or maybe you were fine with it because of your friends’ support, but sometimes only support is not enough?”

you looked at him and he looked back at you, his facial features glowing in the moonlight, you looked back to your lap and then to the city view, “maybe its a bit of all that you said.. i dont know. its not like im dying to have a soulmate, i just wish i knew how it feels to be loved, but i avoid getting into relationships”, you sighed, “i think that we can fall in love and people can fall in love with us, i truly believe we can have happy relationships with other people, even if theyre not our soulmate, but the relationship wont last long because those people are not made for us. we are destined to die without a lover, so all we can do is enjoy the short moments those people can give to us and we can give to them”

“so why do you avoid getting into relationships?”, seokmin leaned closer to you, his eyes full of curiosity as he took another sip of his beer.

“because if i fall in love with them i wont be able to move on. you see, every person has their own identity, their own opinions, their own habits that can be so dear to me. you can never replace anyone.. it hurts too much having to let someone go and leave someone," you fixed yourself in your chair, "there's a quote of one of my favorite movies that i really relate to, 'i tend to see in people little details, specific to each of them that move me and that i miss, and ill probably always miss'. i had a lot of platonic relationships that didnt work out, fake friends, etc.. and it hurt too much when they came to an end. if it hurts me so bad losing a friend, can you imagine how losing a loved one will destroy me? i’d rather stay lonely than go from relationship to relationship just because the cant stay. i know none of them is the one for me, because i dont have ‘the one’ and im nobody's 'the one'”

“woah…” seokmin leaned back in the chair and looked at you with wide eyes and you chuckled, “i think i went too far, didnt i?”

“a bit, but i liked your thought about it”

“what about you? why are you in a relationship if she already has a soulmate?”

“because.” seokmin sighed, “okay, not only because. its complicated, she used to be the only one who knew that i dont have a soulmate before you come to my life, but there’s a reason for why we date.” he paused, clearly wanting to change the subject, “...why do you work at a bookstore? is it your dream or…?”

you shook your head, “my dream is to write a book about my life as someone who doesn’t have a soulmate, but i think im still too young and too naive to write a book about it yet. i want my book to be life changing to the readers, just like the one i gave you was to me”

“i think your thoughts about it are quite interesting, so why not write now?”, he asked opening another can of beer and handing it to you, you mumbled a thank you and took a deep breath, “i have a journal just to write about this ever since i turned 18, but writing a book is something else, is something way more serious. i want people to praise my writing, to praise my thoughts and my work in general, i still need to practice my writing and all of that. but what about your dream?”

“im already living my dream,” seokmin smiled, “im an actor, i act in musicals”

“really?! are you famous? i never heard about you, at least i think so, maybe i just forgot..”

“how do i say that im famous without sounding like im bragging?” you both chuckled, “i’m also known as dokyeom”

you gasped, recognizing the name dokyeom, “my best friend went to your musical! she loved it!”, seokmin smiled shyly, “im glad to know she loved it”

“im sorry i didn’t recognize you, but i know nothing about the musical theatre industry and i never really payed attention to it…”

“its okay, it felt good to be treated as a 'normal' person, please don’t change just because im famous”

“relax, im not like that”, as you said that, you saw seokmin sighing in relief and you chuckled at the sight of him being relieved.

you two kept talking until late at night, if it wasn’t by your constant yawns, the conversation would keep going until the sunrise.

“you seem quite tired, we should call this a day”

“i agree.. im almost sleeping here”, you chuckled, “im sorry for ruining the night again. i really wanted to keep going with the conversation”

“come on, dont say that. im getting sleepy as well and the night has been nothing but amazing. its quite late now, do you want me to walk you home?”

you shook your head, “i dont want to bother you”

“please, i want to make sure you get home safe”

“okay, if you insist.. lets go, its not far away from here”

he nodded and you two left the rooftop of the bookstore, going outside the place and starting to walk towards your house right after you locked the bookstore. the comforting silence filled the air, but you noticed that from time to time seokmin would look at you, as if he wanted to say something, but he would always end up looking away and remaining silent.

after a few minutes of walking you suddenly stopped and looked at him with a smile on your face, “its here”, seokmin looked at the house and smiled a bit, “so i guess i should get going. it was great seeing you, yn”

“it was great seeing you as well, seokmin. bye!” you waved at him as he started to walk away.

seokmin called a cab and during the whole drive he couldnt stop thinking about you and your words, he admired how you were such an interesting person, he also thought a lot about how cute you looked while you explained to him why you didnt want to write your book just yet and while he was walking you home. fuck, what if he is becoming attracted to you?

prev - next

INVISIBLE STRING

in a world where when you turn 18 you share an invisible string with your soulmate that only you and your respective soulmate can see it, seokmin, also known as dokyeom, is an actor in the musical theatre world that doesnt have a soulmate and keep it as a secret. meanwhile, yn works in a bookstore and doesnt seem bothered at all by the fact of not sharing a string with someone. is it possible to change the destiny and find your soulmate even tho you dont share the invisible string with anyone?

[jacarandaaaas]

I rewatched the movie last night! here’s a quick summary of my thoughts:

- I MISSED THE MADRIGALS SO MUCH😭😭

- baby mirabel is so so cute she deserves the world

- “open your eyes” theme introduced!!

- the title card is so majestic we need to talk about it more

- yayyy 15 year old mira let’s go!! the silly!!

- mirabel is still my fave disney protagonist ever she’s so fun to follow her personality is great she’s so multifaceted i will always love her !!!

- the way she knocks on everyone’s doors LMAOOO

- “well US” 😭

- her waving to casita <333

- coffee kid needs to chill

- this whole song slaps

- accordion YEAHH!!

- mirabels iconic rap to avoid talking about herself 😭

- dolores casually saying she didn’t get a gift😭

- osvaldo STOP

- camilo telling jose “nice job over there” as he’s standing doing absolutely nothing himself 💀

- did someone say FLOWERS✨

- mirabels eyeroll at Isa 😭😭

- “our angel our angel!!” felix ily

- “I’m not in the way you ar😠” *walks into a pillar*

- ay agustín😭

- julieta & agustín telling her she has nothing to prove <33

- miras handcrafts <33

- “ i actually made these as a surprise! for you oooh oooohh” 😭

- alma trying to nicely tell mira to leave the decorations alone and mira pretending it doesn’t hurt 😭

- julieta saying to alma it’s gonna be a hard night for mira and alma saying if it doesn’t go well it will be hard for everyone :( and mira overhearing this

- how she knew exactly where antonio would be😭

- the jaguar she made him😭

- “what if it doesn’t work” 💔

- him saying to her I wish you could have a door meaning not a gift but just her own room and privacy aww

- “you don’t have to worry about me” ☹️

- the hug !!!

- the way casita pushes them out from under the bed and you can hear mirabel going “ow ow!” In the background😭

- PARTY TIME💃

- how gently she brings antonio down to meet his family

- the entire interaction with warm family !!

- how you see antonio’s smile drop as soon as they leave :(

- camilos posture is ASS

- alma saying another steps into the light when mirabel is shown mostly in shadow😭

- the I need you scene still kills me

- mirabel zoning out of the flashback and you can sense the haziness of it

- antonio’s room!!!!

- it’s bigger on the inside!?

- isas smile in this scene <3

- camilo being supportive big brother!!

- dolores thumbs up is so cute and pepa kissing antonio all over is so cute

- agustín almost falling over because parce😭

- “a gift just as special as you” NOOOOO

- how this song starts as reprise of the family madrigal but when she admits she’s not fine it changes to 3/4 time :(

- comparing herself to everyone else

- open your eyes!!!

- love the fact she ends up achieving everything she sings about

- I AM READY CMON IM READY🗣️

- the high note ahhhh

- the cracks scene camera movement is so interesting

- and the sounds too ahh

- antonio’s got MOVES🙏 felix trying to get alma to dance ahhh

- this scene gives me second hand embarrassment I feel so bad for mira

- casita wtf bro

- mira saying she would never ruin antonio’s night because she knows that’s what people are thinking :(

- corn plate moment but I like the subtle noise of the arepa healing her hand

- julieta coddling her but mira rejecting it :(

- bruno lost his way :(

- mirabel super spy era

- alma actually crying here😭

- praying to pedro for guidance ugh my heart

- mirabel deciding this is now her mission

- mirabel and casita being besties!!

- agustín already getting swarmed by the animals💀

- pepa and her coffee <33

- mirabel trying to act all sweet to Dolores but it’s just camilo💀

- dolores mentioning rats talking in the walls ahh I love foreshadowing

- pepas cloud disappearing as soon as felix puts his arm around her😭

- mirabel yapping to luisa (she just wants to eat)

- mirabel oblivious to the fact she’s meant to be paying attention to alma

- YOU DO!!!🫵

- alma getting casita to move her😭

- “mmhmm I will help luisa!” “Stop😠”

- dolores look over at isa before saying the 5 babies like😭

- isa and mira both not looking where the other is going and then isa acting like it was just mirabel💀

- luisa casually lifting a church

- mirabel falling off a wall

- “you’re gonna make me drop a donkey!” (On you)

- mirabel angry stomping is so unserious

- surface pressure time!!!

- the visuals of this song are so good

- the way luisa is saying “can I somehow preserve this” as she’s adjusting mirabels glasses feels like how mirabel in this song represents the family and how luisa is always trying to preserve them

- how in the bridge the landscape is pastel and free of pressure ahhh!! unicorn donkeys and glitter !! (luisa is a girly girl I will believe this until I die)

- how as they get higher up the pressures in the background start building and getting higher in pitch until the drop omg

- casita imagery here!

- dancing donkeys cause she realized mira seemed scared :(

- luisa starting to have a panic attack and mirabel just silently hugging her :(

- luisa you big introverted softie <333

- alma and isa talking about mariano and isabela petals going everywhere :(

- mirabel being nervous because casita can’t help in here

- falling down the sand💀

- pico being sassy and just leaving her😭

- goofy the family madrigal reprise as she’s climbing the stairs lmaoooo

- BRUNO YOUR ROOM IS THE WOOOOOORRRRSTT😠

- almost dies swinging across chasm u celebrated too early girl!

- pico judging her😭

- pico hiding in mirabels hair aww

- QUITTER🗣️

- alma noticing candle flickering as mira is piecing the shards together

- mirabel almost suffocated in sand because she didn’t use the handle on the vault😭

- all the sand details in this animation

- alma looking at mirabel when luisa said she was talking to her💀

- poor luisa 😭😭😭

- alma assuming mirabel did something and mirabel looking hurt by that assumption

- telling her again to stay out of the way 💔

- wdtab is so iconic

- felix dramatic burst in

- his face expressions as pepa is saying not to talk about bruno😭

- BUT!

- mirabel awkwardly dancing because this song vibes

- I’m sorry mi vida go ooonnnnn

- pepa imitating the mischevious grin shes so silly I love her

- felix spinning mirabel transition is underrated that scene is so cool

- dolores part!!

- footsteps as part of the beat ahhh

- how she’s foreshadowing again!

- “do you understand” she doesn’t but it’s ok!!

- camilo just spitting bullshit to try scare her😭

- his dramatic movements

- the villagers heeeyyyyyy line

- dolores going no noooo!!

- fish lady 🗣️🗣️

- mirabels imagination is so foul wym you pictured him with a wig💀

- everyone stopping for isas dramatic entrance

- the lighting here is so pretty

- isas voice!!

- miras face will always kill me here😭

- dolores “I can hear him now” as double meaning omggg I love this movie

- isa saying she wants not a sound out of mirabel and mirabel immediately starts singing out of spite 💀

- ISABELA YOUR BOYFRIENDS HERE!! TIME FOR DINNERR

- I love the time for dinner line

- the table choreography is iconic

- mirabel looking at her family doing this and thinking “wtf”

- luisa struggling to lift the pot :(

- the whole ending sequence omg

- “miraboo got your party pants on!?” I love agustín and his goofy dance as he enters the room

- just another thing mira inherited from him ig since they both do goofy dances😭

- casita being mirabels bff

- the whole animation of her rambling to him is so well done all the movements ahh

- agustín immediatly going let’s pretend this never happened😭

- “I know” their faces😭 dolores is so funny for that

- dolores and mirabels stare off will never not be funny to me

- alma pouring more wine😭

- this whole scene is so stressful and funny

- poor luisa :(

- those damn coatis are so smart

- miras face as she watches everything go to shit :(

- “I HATE YOU👹” isa is so dramatic 😭

- agustín going to comfort luisa <33

- mirabels defiance as it’s the second time she says she’s not doing anything

- rats!!!

- alma in severe denial to the townspeople

- “MIRABEL” 😠⚡️

- mirabel gets jumpscared by bruno

- brunos parkour

- camilo comforting pepa <33

- that wall slam must have hurt so bad😭

- cool slide under and kick out the stair

- mirabel thinking she’s gonna die

- “you’re very sweaty” 😭

- mirabel gets jumpscared by a rat and drops bruno into the void

- nvm lol

- “bye” 😐 he’s so me when I don’t want to talk to people

- mirabel is stubborn and therefore follows him

- mira slamming her elbow into something and going “ow” in the background 💀

- his real gift is acting!! this scene is even funnier after reading her inner monologue in the book😭

- bruno saying the rats are always hungry never satisfied

- the plate scene killed me

- how when she realizes how similar they are she opens up to him :(

- bruno looking over at her when she talks about wanting to make the family proud because he relates so bad

- “everyone always assumes the worst” poor bruno 😭

- “you left to protect me?” mira in disbelief at this will always kill me 💔

- bruno giving her a light shoulder punch as she’s leaving

- “yeah…. YEAH!!”

- I love how u can see her lightbulb moment😭

- mirabel kicking the door down like TIO HOLY FUCK- love ur enthusiasm but omg girl😭

- bruno gets jumpscared by his 15 year old niece

- miras optimism is cute

- “the rats told me everything” I love Antonio <333

- mira saying that bruno desperately needs to get out of the walls and him going “myeah” 😭

- antonio giving bruno the stuffie 😭😭😭

- “family weirdos get a bad rap!” “you can do this” guys I love mirabel

- bruno wanting to give up because every vision turns out bad😭

- AM I FIGHTING OR HUGGING !??? ISABELA!?👹

- julieta grabbing agustíns arm to show she sides w him <3

- I WAS THINKING OF MY DAUGHTER🗣️🗣️

- Felix angry “yes😠” when supporting Pepa <33

- bruno supporting mirabel same way she supported him ahhh I love their dynamic

- “come visit?” “I’m bringing you home” <333

- with a huuuuggggg

- mirabel looking utterly disgusted as she attempts to apologize to isabela (and her stupid little dance she does)

- go on apologizeee🙏

- SELFISH!?😯

- mirabel trying to get a hug still is so funny😭 girl she isn’t even looking at you

- WECID YEAHHH

- isa reaction to the cactus is so cute

- rows and rows of roses is a banger line

- “it just needed to be and they’d let me be!”

- the way isas voice deepens when she says “what else can I do”

- her room is so pretty

- a hurricane of jacarandas!!!

- mirabel casually upside down

- how mira stops interrupting and starts to listen to isa

- “careful it’s carnivorous” ☹️

- miras verse being same tune as isas wdtab verse ahhh

- mira becomes ultimate hype girl

- isas reaction to when the pollen gets on her

- how isa initiates the hug!

- “you’re a bad influence!” awwww

- the argument scene is so well acted it actually hurts me so bad

- how mira is so enthusiastic and gets shot down immediately :(

- the way isa and luisa look to eachother after alma mentions them

- “I will never be good enough for you” oh my heart

- mira is tearing up for most of this argument

- mira defending everyone

- the way her voice cracks when she says “we all LOVE this family”

- almas reaction when she mentions bruno

- almas face when mirabel says the miracle is dying because of you and mirabel in disbelief she just said that

- casita cracking right down the middle ooh symbolic

- corn plate but the vines isa uses to try grab the candle arent the ones she uses in wecid but the same ones she used when she was perfect isa. maybe a subtle way of saying how after what alma said she’s already reverting back to her old self and doesn’t have the confidence to embrace her new self anymore

- casita being mirabels best friend ever

- casita saving miras life <333

- the whisper of “no” when the candle goes out

- casita waving goodbye to her😭😭

- mira being almost in a state of disassociation after casita collapsed

- alma in total shock and probably relieve that night💔

- “let me help you” I love dolores shes so sweet

- pepa telling antonio to not cry😭😭

- the way julieta holds mirabels face here

- her reaction when mirabel is gone😭

- everyone calling for her and the village kids missing her :(

- mirabel crying at the river :(

- “I just wanted to be something I’m not” oh the way she says this 💔

- the transition into dos oruguitas is so smooth

- dos oruguitas is the most heartbreakingly beautiful thing ever💔

- pedro laughing when alma almost falls aww

- how they spent the whole night together stoppp

- the miracle candle being their wedding candle hurts

- pedro’s reaction to triplets😭

- pedro would have been such a good dad😭😭

- how pedro whispers “I love you” to alma in that scene

- almas apology since a lot of people forget this happened 🙏

- butterfly !!!

- mirabel changing what she said in the argument awww

- how they’re both crying here 😭 (same)

- “he sent me you” 😭😭😭

- almas reaction to seeing bruno ahhh

- horse girl mira lets go!!!

- the kids being so happy she’s back and the bell ringing ahhhh

- the way the entire family was lost without mirabel and had no idea what to do so when she returns they just let her take the lead

- how mirabel guides them all inside whilst singing about how everyone wants to shine

- mirabel helping luisa and luisa tearing up <333

- the townspeople coming to help!!

- mirabel being the one at the front to meet with the townspeople and collect the supplies but not alma

- this and scene with the blueprints indicate to me that alma fully trusts mirabel and is letting her play a bigger role in this project!

- the sisters singing together!!!!

- coffee kid going ham on the hammering

- priest going 👍 when bruno is laying out the sand

- mariano sitting on doorstep like a little loser :(

- how the background noise quietens a bit when dolores shows up

- mirabel and isa successfully set up their cousin and are celebrating their victory🙏

- we need a doorknob🗣️🗣️

- antonio guiding her to the door because she guided him to his door will never not kill me

- the family singing about how loved and appreciated she is (those harmonies OMGGG)

- alma repeating what her very first line in the movie was

- “I see me, all of me” oh no more tears 😭😭

- mirabel on the middle of the door 😭

- casita bringing in mirabel for a hug and her immediate reaction telling everyone else to get inside it’s party time 💃

- antonio and parce reunited!!!

- isas new dress and how happy and comfortable she is

- luisa resting !!!

- pepa dancing and felix going “yeah amor!” I love them

- family picture!!! casita hugging them in the photo and ending on the frame of the photo decorated by mirabel <33

I LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH <3333

[messrsrarchives]

you can ignore this if its too personal or annoying im sorry i was just looking for advice from someone whose been here if you have any?

im 16 and theres a lot of reasons why but im living on my friends sofa right now but i cant stay here long and im just here to ask if you have any advice on how to get housed

you dont need to answer im sorry that this is the first thing i send to you i really do enjoy your stuff <3

HEY !! no worries whatsoever. genuinely. this is why i'm so open about this stuff !! i'll put it under the cut and also my dms are ALWAYS open, you can pop in there if you have any questions, or need someone to yell over the phone for you

okay so !! assuming you're from the uk? i assume so if asking me:

i had a really awful experience :/ and i don't say that to put you off but rather like,,, i got most of this advice AFTER i was put in the first homeless shelter. i was couch surfing with a friend with a limited time frame too and these were the routes that i took:

1) social services

as you're under 18, they have a duty of care to make sure that you are in safe housing. i was already in an ongoing case so it was slightly easier, but if it is home related issues that have led to this, you call them (or get your school to contact them) and make them aware that you are currently unable to return home and need somewhere to stay.

from here what they'll do is try to amend things. which is,,, yeah. fucking sucked. i had weeks of them trying to explain how i could just go home and do family therapy as if we hadn't had over 90 cases with them. they're gonna try to send you back but you stand your ground and refuse to - at 16, you have the right to make your own decisions in these scenarios.

they helped me get into a homeless shelter and received further support from them but they may offer temporary care with them (which i've also had before, i was in the foster system for a while, and it isn't as scary as it seems! i was also told by the social worker that this would be temporary if it was the choice made, whilst they looked for more permanent housing)

i also want to add that it was very soon before i turned 18, which may have played a part in their support for my own accom over "rectifying the family" - i would've left at 18 anyway, so they were more supportive of finding alt accom. but there were a lot of people in my shelters that were 16 and just stood their ground to get there.

2) local council

a bit trickier because it's only at 18 that they have a duty of care over you BUT i did utilise them !!

i got rejected from the first 6 homeless shelters because they "didn't know what ward to put me on" (sadly, a massive reality for trans people)

so what i did then was hound my council: calling them up multiple times a day, turning up at the door of the civic center to speak to people, SLEEPING outside the civic center and refusing to move for police (i do NOT recommend this one but,,, it was the most effective. councils hate looking bad and a teenager sleeping outside their building?? yeah, worked a treat.)

side note here that whilst they aren't an official means by which to get support, if you're sleeping rough you can contact the police/turn up to the station and they will also find support for you!! again, not official but they can't turn you away if you're sleeping rough.

over 18s will get put on the housing list, under 18s will be connected to social services, temporary care, or shelters - and from there, more permanent solutions are found

3) youth groups

this was my biggest help !!! i really recommend these !!! the issue i had was that i was from one county, but my sixth form was in another so i was in that one. it caused some issues with social services etc as they tried to communicate between counties (insane because it was literally a 20 minute drive between the two but whatever) so i was in communication with social services from my home county that wanted me to get back there with no accom organised, and youth groups in the county i was actually in to try find somewhete to stay. a mess but they were incredible.

mine was literally "(county) young and homeless" - an organisation that helped people under 18 get into accommodation

these were the best !!! i was connected with someone who then communicated with the homeless shelter i ended up in, and i stayed connected with them until i found my supported accommodation

they have these in most, if not all, towns !! if not explicitly for homeless people, they absolutely will have a youth council/group to reach out to to get support

i find these especially helpful as they deal with complicated situations with a lot more empathy than social services and councils, and you get a direct connection. you're not just a number on a page or a name on the top of a file, you're connected with a case worker who communicates with you day in and day out - idk, it just felt nice to have someone that was voluntarily on my side rather than corrupt systems that are underfunded and have (mostly) awful staff

AND FINALLY: supported accommodations

this one i didn't know about until i was already in the YMCA, but most towns have a YMCA/other supported accom organisations (p.s difference between supported accom and homeless shelter: homeless shelter is free of charge and for a limited time - mine was 6 weeks as a crash pad - whereas supported accom is typically an 18 month tenancy with rent. if you're under 16, you're fine here!! they sort it all out, but for peace of mind for anyone else that potentially reads this, housing benefit covers most of it !! i quit my job because it was making my rent higher with less HB, and it dropped from £200+ a week to £11 a week which you get through universal credit)

these operate under an open door policy !!

i had to go through the homeless shelter and a short application process for the YMCA (literally like a few days and one phone interview where they get a bit of background) SOOO you can't just walk into one and get housed, obviously. especially because they're all incredibly overrun with the housing crisis etc.

what they 100% offer though is the option to walk in and speak to staff, who will then support you in finding accommodation. you might need to call up to do this, but we had so many people just buzz in and ask to speak to staff (all of which were either housed with us or sent elsewhere to be housed)

AND THAT'S ALL I CAN THINK OF RIGHT NOW !!! i hope that's enough avenues to try, and i'm sorry you're in this situation. i'm not going to sugarcoat because we both know how fucking awful it is to be in this space, but i will say that no matter how cliche and half-hearted it sounds, it really does get better and the support IS out there, it just sucks that we have to fight so hard for it.

but yeah, i hope this helps !!! if you have any questions or need resources sent over or someone to call up the council and yell at them, orrrr even just someone to talk to who gets it, my dms are always open <3

i hope you get the support that you need 🫂

[cpeedemon]

Green/Blue Fire in HB + Specific focus on Asmodeus

Gonna start off by saying that I am certainly not the first person to identify the clear narrative difference between green and blue fire in HB.

While green fire has destroyed everything, it arguably correlates both to the nature of fire and the symbolism of the color green.

Green symbolizes money/greed (this is redundant, ik im sorry). But we can say, Fizz became both literally and figuratively wounded/consumed/scarred by the greed of Cash Buckzo. I’m not sure of the extent that Fizz was working under Mammon at this time, so I think it might be better if we stick with Cash’s greed. Although Fizz’s idolization of Mammon may have been one of the factors that aided in ignoring the abuse, we can also argue that Cash laid the groundwork for normalizing an exploitative relationship.

Furthermore, green can symbolize envy. So maybe, we can view green fire as not only a symbol of Cash’s greed, but .... possibly Blitzo's jealousy?

I'd argue it is a bit of a reach. Although his jealousy is apparent from childhood, before the fire Blitz always seems to be supportive of Fizz even after he's got fans.

After the misunderstanding between the two that further separates them, his jealousy is a bit more obvious though. Never can he forget about his own lack of success in the circus, and Fizz seems to represent that era of his life.

So again, the idea of Blitz's jealousy as one of the things that "destroyed" Fizz is iffy... But Cash’s greed makes sense symbolically.

Let's move on.

Blue fire, on the other hand, seems to be ineffective to hell's citizens just like normal red fire, seen as how Fizz doesn't flinch using Ozzie's fire batons and yknow openly cuddles his big blue flaming bf.

But I looked into the further symbolism of blue fire, cuz I felt that there had to be a reason why it was such a big aspect of Ozzie's design. Furthermore, what makes blue fire more tame? In part because i was interested, in part cuz of my increased procrastination during finals season, I stumbled upon this dandy lil article --

https://atlasmythica.com/blue-flame-symbolism-meaning/ .

TLDR: describes distinct symbolism of blue fire (meant to be interpreted in relation to dreams, but i think it's interesting to see in HB's context, too)

Although red fire -- fire in it's purest form, really -- can symbolize destruction, it also symbolizes passion, energy, desire, or love.

The color blue intrinsically seems to combat fire in itself, being that it symbolizes depression, tranquility or rationality.

What the article really deduces is that blue fire can represent 'healthy emotions' -- those in which we balance passions and desires without repressing them.

Not gonna go over Ozzie's little love/lust tangent we get when we're first actually introduced to him cuz I think by now everyone gets the gist of it. But it's important, cuz it underlines his regard/performance of his sin. And I think the article's conclusion of what blue fire represents really correlates with his identity as the embodiment of lust/passion.

Lust is not meant to be forced, neither should it be repressed.

Arguably, his expression of lust can correlate to how he shows all other emotions.

Overall, Ozzie is a chill guy - blue very well matches his personality in the sense that he kinda oozes comfort, contentment and self-possession. Outwardly, he seems naturally charismatic, like Fizz, loves entertaining a crowd, and is very open and proud about his sin.

But, dude doesn't hold back when he's pissed, as do all the other sins we've seen, yet even that has nuance. Yeah, he gets disgruntled at the thought of all his factory assets being given to Crim, but at the thought of Fizz's head on the guy's wall -- that's an automatic hell no.

When it comes to things he's passionate about, he bares his emotions on his sleeve, impulsively letting them guide actions that someone like Stolas would have thought twice about.

He wanted Fizz back so badly, he was willing to sign Crim's contract off the bat -- imagine if Stolas hadn't intervened. And what about the factors that built up to his public confession of loving Fizz?

I get it -- Ozzie was fed up of hiding his relationship, but this confession wasn't a goddamn soft launch either, it was very abrupt, in the heat of the moment. Right then and there, he's not thinking of the consequences of his actions, which are hinted at considering Mammon will def make a reappearance.

So, along with his naturally relaxed demeanour, there’s that component in accordance with fire — the passionate, fiery, shameless side that cannot be repressed.

What I mean to say, at the end of it all, is that what we can surmise about blue fire really matches with Ozzie's character. It's a testament to his design. Love the guy and I'm so curious to see what the show ends up doing with him and Fizz.

[kasaneteto]

ok i need some opinions

so i had the talk with my roommate about not wanting to sign another lease with him. that’s all fine and good he understands why we can’t be roommates anymore but the problem is he doesn’t want to let me be the one to stay at this apartment because he claims he can afford to live here by himself. i don’t really believe him but its neither here nor there because i know i can only afford to live here if i rent with two other people.

my reasons for wanting to keep living here are: i can walk to work, its going to be really hard to find another place that allows TWO cats, my cats are CRAZY and this apartment is perfect for them (lots of windows for passive engagement + a loft area for them to get up in), i have a LOT of plants because the place gets a lot of natural light, to find another place that would support all of these plants will be difficult. & in addition to all of that - my name is on all of the utilities + the WiFi. because he is too irresponsible to take initiative with anything. in a worst case scenario I would be able to move back in with my parents, but that would mean moving to the country where i would be completely isolated and would have to quit my job.

his reasons for wanting to keep living here are: he was the one who found the apartment & he can afford to live here on his own, and he doesn’t want to move. if he has other reasons beyond those he hasn’t told me what they are.

ive known he was a selfish person for years. i mean ive completely given up on ever asking him for a favor because he acts so burdened by it, if he even is willing to do it at all. its my belief that his selfishness is a trauma response due to his upbringing, but yknow, i can only tell the guy he needs therapy so many times before i have to give up to save my own energy. but i can’t help but feel like i deserve this apartment way more than he does. im the one who’s been taking care of it and keeping it nice for us. im the only one of us who’s in any way responsible. so for him to be so hostile about me wanting to stay (he got really defensive about it) hurts me a lot. i want to believe that he’s a good friend but I don’t feel like a good friend would see me move out of an apartment that’s perfect for me just because the alternative would make his life harder. he hasn’t been a good friend for a while so why am i still pretending he is?

so should i tell him all of these feelings? im worried that its going to come across as emotional manipulation. because like… i can’t lie, my main reason for wanting to tell him all of this is so i can stay here and he’ll move out. its hard to not feel like a hypocrite calling him selfish when thats my deepest motivation. but its not my only motivation, i truly do believe that erik is unaware of this behavior of his and that he WANTS to be a good friend, and i wonder if me being honest with him is the wake-up call he needs in that regard? idk. i just want to be a good friend while also standing up for myself. its hard to navigate stuff like this.

so uh. should i tell him i think he’s being really selfish about this? and that ive noticed a pattern of selfish behavior in him? be honest if im being a dickhead about this too and should just give up the place to him like if thats he truth i wanna hear it. it would just kill me to see his irresponsible ass bite off more than he can chew and lose this place, esp since the rate we’re renting at is the 2021 housing rate like its gonna be SO much more expensive to find a place this nice in the current housing market 😭

[wormbloggign]

Glenn Chambers wore plaid pants with red and green, and a pink dress shirt, His belt bore a buckle with the PRT logo on it. His hair had changed too, parted neatly into what I assumed was ‘geek chic’, and the glasses had changed as well, with thick, round frames. An ID card hung around his neck. He didn’t fit any of those particular archetypes.

i love how shit his fits are. this man CANNOT dress. let him micromanage every aspect of your persona.

“Go, and hurry,” Glenn said.  “Tell them to fix it and cast another prototype before the run starts.  These are toys, they’ll be in the hands of children and collectors both.  The people who are buying these are fans.  What’s it going to say if their most immediate association with Esoteric is the broken toy sitting on a shelf?  It’s going to convey that he’s flimsy.”

ok thats just poor organisation, you'd have the base construction and elements of the doll figured out WELL before you start working on its visage. glenn has dropped in my opinion of him

“I asked to speak to you because I wanted you to know about the damage that’s being done.” “Ah, this is about the butterflies.” “It’s about a lot more than butterflies.  It’s the whole mindset.  The attitude of the heroes.  I’d talk to Chevalier, but he’s too busy.  I’d talk to Rime, but she’s recovering from being shot three times.  You’re the only other person I’ve met so far who really seems to be in a position to know what I’m talking about.  Besides, as far as I can figure, image and PR seem to be at the heart of the problem.”

she's back to her favourite pastime. (i genuinely love everytime she does this)

“The focus isn’t on lethal or nonlethal,” Glenn said. “It’s on whether we can trust you to keep on the path you’re walking. If you start taking shortcuts now, what happens a year down the line? If we decide you can go all-out in one specific situation, does that open the door for another?”

genuinely good point, good to see glenn is trying hard to properly vett new capes

taylor goes so hard as a monster i really do love it

“Until I turn eighteen,” I said, feeling a little hollow.

that's less than a year, you can handle that.

Chevalier approached.  “You murdered two people.  Three, going by your admission while in custody.  Two PRT directors, one major hero.  When Dragon and Defiant suggested we bring you on board, we were divided.  It was Glenn who offered the compromise that we ultimately agreed to.  This compromise.” I glanced at Glenn, who shrugged. Glenn?

glenn wanted an excuse to integrate hexagon tiling into NEW PRT advertising didnt he

“That’s why you’re waiting two years?  You think that it’ll take that long to vet me, before you can give me actual responsibility?”

two years? didnt she turn 17 around the time coil did his big bombing run? did she just forget?

LETS FUCKGIN GOOOOOO

that's genuinely horrifying, thanks

Mail from all around the United states.  From strangers, from fans. Words of support.  Criticism.  Death threats.

this is functionally the first time the general public has had the chance to communicate directly to her. yeah i expected as much

hes bumbling 🥺🥺🥺

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! what the fuck???

aishas doing great actually

lisa is lisa-ing

Atlas died.  I wanted to let you know.  Tattletale had him, but he wouldn’t eat or move.  We asked for him, and we found a place for him.  The guys say they think they know a good way to make a mold.  They’re covering him in brass. A way of saying you’re still with us.  Take care of yourself. -Char

MY BOY ;-;

silly goofy, rachels going through it.

overall, taylors polycule miss her and the others have their own thing

Withdrawing a notepad, I started sketching out the designs I was thinking of. Alterations to the costume, weapon ideas, tools and concepts.

!!!! !!!!

The costume Defiant and Dragon had given me was theirs, not mine.  The fighting style that had been dictated was Glenn’s and Chevalier’s. This, this would be me.

im gonna have to draw her new costume too when it get out arent i.

(we are pretending like im not incredibly excited about this development)

[louisisalarrie]

https://www.tumblr.com/louisisalarrie/767017476313808896/i-dont-think-hes-very-proud-of-the-way-his-fans?source=share

different things tho.

his fans believe things he says.

harrys fans dont give a fuck abot any tpwk. its a common harrie joke to say "tpwk is for harry, not us" they revel in their cruelty.

not saying this is on harry at all. just saying his fans donot have any limits about being cruel.

wait they’ve said “tpwk is for harry, not us”!?!????? ok im gonna have to start getting in fights on Twitter now Christ that hasn’t been on my resumé for about 10 years now lol

seriously tho, I think it would be a game changer if he said something. I mean, I’d prefer him to action it, and hang out with the boys/follow them on Insta at least Christ but while that’s still weirdly put away to the side for now, I think the best he can do is words. but he’s avoiding pretty much all social media at all costs at the moment, which is very fair.

of course at this time the boys are very MIA which is fantastic and I hope they’re all well, but genuinely they’ve all kind of stepped back from social media. the majority of louis and niall’s instagrams are just tour photos from each night. it’s just… they are afraid to be vulnerable and personal on their accounts now. everything these dudes do is under the highest fucking scrutiny, particularly harry.

Can you imagine the state the fandom will be in if he follows the boys on Insta? Harries scrambling saying “it was an accident his finger slipped a bunch of times because he was drinking a pina colada and the condensation dripped on his screen and did it for him but he’s too kind to admit it was an accident and unfollow them” or whatever shit they wanna spew. Even something so small as that, there will be articles about it. He’ll be asked about it in interviews, hints of a 1d reunion spread throughout the industry, just… everything. It’s gonna be a whole massive thing.

However

Him doing stuff like this, will not overshadow his career. He is an established solo artist in his own right to a degree that if he followed them, it wouldn’t take away so much from his own career, so he should do it. It’s not gonna pull as much attention away from his solo stuff as it might with niall & Lou. I think it would be a sick “fuck you” to all the hairballs. He should be making moves like this. But his team are fucking tight, I’ll tell you that much. Those losers don’t wanna lose a CENT. if they think him starting to hang out with the boys WILL in fact pull attention away from him, make fans leave, WHATEVER they will strongly advise against it. I highly encourage it. It would make him look less like “he’s too good for 1d” which doesn’t even fucking align with his image right now (and obviously himself).

personally, I also think that those same harries that are so awful and so far up Harry’s arse would clean out their twitters from all the awful shit and act like they’ve been supportive all along if he decided to start posting about the boys/publicly going to their gigs/following them because they want so desperately for harry to like them. if harry was active on social media, they’d pull their fucking socks up. but they aren’t getting repercussions for their actions. they’re getting away with it because pretty much every other part of the overall 1d/solo fandom fucking hate them, and disengage from their shit.

but anyway, repercussions don’t exist in here from harry. He can’t jump on Twitter and say “hey guys, please all be nice to each other” or something of the sort because he already kinda tried that with TPWK and it didn’t work. So if he directed it more as like… a blame thing to his fans a lot of them would get mad and start blaming us anyway. But as I said earlier, it would be a game changer in terms of artist to fan dynamics/relationship and the evidence of social media

there’s no wins here though. I don’t know how to get through to them.

sorry for the weird and long rant lol

drink = 1, louisisalarrie = 0

[cindergraves]

oc-tober day 14: who/what inspired your ocs

always a tough question! i never usually keep track of my inspirations, and often go through series too fast to remember what i'd end up drawing from it. most of my characters are also inspired by/draw from other characters of mine, picking out specific traits and parts of their history to remix and see how things happen differently if certain variables are tweaked.

for the specifics ! ↴

for kea:

the other characters of my own i've put here are beren and sil. i would elaborate, but i'd literally go on forever. this'll make sense if i ever start posting about them!

for the existing characters, it's alma karma from dgm, especially visually, and rakka from haibane renmei (a favourite anime from when i was a kid) in a few senses. unfortunately i think they may have also channelled a bit of izaya orihara, faye valentine and twelve from zankyou no terror in esoteric ways. im trying to think of non-anime characters that may have been katamari'd into them but my memory isn't that good! i may go back and edit this if i have a sudden ahah moment about them. HOWL from howls moving castle both book and movie versions

as for the incident that inspired them or how they were created, i would prefer not to talk about it (kind of a bad memory at this point! took a long time to wash them of it), but at their core they were me trying to fit my favourite archetype (fantasy rogues) into a cowboy. the first attempt at this was scattered and not that well put together, but on their second rewrite i feel their background is more cohesive. they were also massively inspired by things i was going through at the time and the job i had, which has informed certain aspects of their character that made their way to the forefront over time. just this year i started working at a ranch, which is what inspired that rewrite, so i think that also affects part of their character.

i think this one might be very obvious, but they were inspired by the kea, as in the aotearoan parrot. kea was originally just gonna be a placeholder name for them, but like many of my placeholder names, it stuck. their wings are just a kea's transposed onto their back, and their mischievous/destructive nature is inspired by them. i love keas a lot lmao

for revak:

the other characters of my own i have down for him are vol, felanic, and raf. there's way too much to go into there, so i'll leave it to if i ever post about them in the future.

for the other characters, i think possibly warumono-san from mr. villains day off stuck in my head when i was designing him (i'd read a few chapters back in 2019, but forgot about it until recently. entirely possible for the image to have lodged in there and fallen loose for him!) and hazama kuroo, ginko from mushishi, olruggio from witch hat atelier, murderbot from the murderbot diaries. other inspirations i can see for him include rose from legend of dragoon and jin from samurai champloo. there's probably more but i'm forgetting them... one of my partner's inspirations for them that i can remember off the top of my head was percival de rolo.

i made him back around august/september of 2023. kea's story had holes that needed filling, and while coming up with ideas for other main and supporting characters revak came around. he's the result of an idea i left unused for kea themself; at one point i was thinking of turning kea into a monster in a very physical way, giving them the ability to shapeshift - first into a toxic eel-like creature, then into a poisonous lizard. i liked the idea of a character with a poisonous kiss, which seemed fitting for them.

kea's story needed a specific start - their character establishing moment is robbing a rich person and failing, which is how the more mundane aspects of revak's character came around. i liked the eccentric and hardworking but distant from the world/kind of naive character that resulted from me trying to justify keeping a rich guy around. eventually decided at some point that kea had enough going on as-is and slapped the "poisonous shapeshifter" aspect onto him instead, which is when revak came into the concept he is now, a venomous sea dragon shapeshifter who's estranged from his own family history and other side. there is a bit of irony in this idea, but for reasons that're secret 🤫

when my partner and i started writing together and swapping ocs around she took the lead on revak and changed him to the way he is now, fully fleshed out. one of the funnier changes they made is revak was originally supposed to be 5'11", but she took him and stretched him out to 6'4", since they tend to make taller characters.

and thats how they were made! if you want more of "what thought went into the characters" in a general sense, it was my love of hypocritical and dynamic characters that change a lot over the course of a story. they both have a lot of terrible aspects that can at times bury their strengths, and struggle with the concept of being a good person/who they are with what's been done to them. disregarding everything else, the main themes of their story and arcs are identity, coming to terms with your past, and not giving up on people.

ok thatse it 👍 thanks for getting this far. i have no clue if these words in this order makes sense

[bambidoll96]

Writing out a fantasy, it might prove embarrassing or off putting to some but inneed to at least get it out:

Im just gonna say it plainly. I want to be a pornstar... but i want to do it my way. Im not here to fuck; suck? maybe occasionally but thats not the point.

I want to do long and intimate scenes: elaborate ropings with a focus on each individual wrap or knot, as well as highlighting any banter between me and my rigger; Impact scenes that could double for toy infomercials that cary into at least the first round of aftercare and maybe more. Sensation scenes blending the tickling and overstim with soft teddybear cuddling, and as much dialogue as i can reply to in such a state; bob ross esque body art paintings; recorded hypno sessions, even if im mostly asleep and not moving much im sure there is a real appeal somewhere (Heck pull bambi out and let her do her own scenes... i am honestly curious how much interest there might be in letting my wider plurality come into play?)

everything ive actually tried with another person outside of Sex sex has been heavenly (yes even the really really dumb "coffee" date) and there is a growing desire/need to be seen (or especially to be shown off) rising within me.

Sure cut the it down for pornhub or wherever so it can make the money but also do the long cuts that actually show off the art of the scene for those who actually appreciate it.

I want to work with a variety of tops and maybe with time get comfortable acting as a top myself(maybe, not sure if ill enjoy it in the long run) i want to explore as many kinks as i can find and experience them as much as my body/mind/spirit can handle. Maybe "owned" collectively by a small group, maybe with a single main partner who ensures i always make it home in one piece. Definitely in some way in which i am truely safe and secure, and done as sanely as possibe; with partners who genuinely care about my consent and wellbeing

For now i know damn well im still inexperienced enough and uneducated enough that that level of commitment wont really be possible any time soon even if there is any slim hope that it might be in the future. I also know that building the kind of social/support network to actually get anywhere near even the city that the ballpark is in is going to be a persuit that will likely span the rest of my life.

Yes right now i am no where near stable enough to even look for a real foothold and i know the entire wall is at an acute angle (especiallyconsideringi really dont want to work the camera, editing booth, or goddess forbid the distro/business side. But i have gotten a taste and i know it really is something i think i want to seriously persue once i am able; even as so many of my existing connections tell me its just a fantasy and seem to indicate that its just not possible.

Theres just something in my soul that calls out for it, even if we dont really know how "it" might happen or how "it" might pan out in the long, long run (maybe growing into a mentor as my body becomes less able to do the scenes myself) but we genuinely do want to make an earnest attempt.

[broodsys]

garden updateee (long post lmao)

peach tree first:

have harvested upwards of 50 peaches from it. have invited the neighbors to freely take peaches (don't think they have tho). have given peaches to my brother. so many are getting partly eaten by critters (i don't mind this)

probably have an additional 30-40 in the worm bin (partly eaten ones, gloopy ones, ones that were seriously damaged early on, etc)

ended up with two gallon bags full - and i mean full - of frozen peach slices and a good bit of peach sauce (well, i call it that, but it's really just cooked down/pureed peaches and a bit of sugar. it's good!)

could i have been more productive with it? yeah! however! wasn't expecting this at all! i cannot stress enough how much of a surprise this has been

after all the peaches have been harvested im gonna trim this poor tree down so hard. bc at present it isn't just bowing a bit under the weight, the main trunk goes up and up... and then starts coming sharply back down. roughly like so:

except with a lot more branches and all but yeah not actually drawing this lmao.

gonna try to espalier it a bit. there are lower branches that i'm going to be keeping and hopefully i can get some wire or something to give it some support, bc clearly during growing and harvest seasons it's gonna need that support. but i'm taking the height off... again, lmao. i've already done this!!!! it is growing so much

however, i think i know why. about midway through last year, we moved the worm bin over near it. and the worm bin has holes drilled in the bottom. so all those nutrients have been sinking into the soil and i think the peach tree was just like oh? nutrience? for me??? and went apeshit lmao

other garden news:

although i've mostly been talking about the peach tree, many things are going above and beyond. the rose bush out front is covered with rose hips that are probably about as wide as a half dollar? and it's grown to about halfway up the second floor. ridiculous. some of the canes are easily as wide as a quarter

we also have a grape. idk what type bc like the smartest person imaginable, i lost the tag. also i don't think it's ever gonna fruit but that is okay bc it is a sprawling beast and beautiful and it is sending vines up that are on the first floor roof

a lot of plants i have mostly to control temperatures indoors. so the rose bush covers the front of the house and some of the dark roof shingles, while the mystery tree and grape cover another part of the house. i was letting the peach tree get a bit taller to become a shade tree since it wasn't seeming to bear (but still not ridiculously tall!) but uh. A Mistake 😂

currently in the process of getting one of the many many manyyyy marionberry canes to root so that i can plant some in the backyard. it's very well established along the side yard and we get a ton of fruit from it, so why not just keep it going?

and we have a nectarine tree out back that's in its.... hmm. second or third year, but i think second. it's older than that, but in terms of being in our garden. so it's not bearing yet, no real surprise, and it's having some of the same issues the peach tree originally had, but the peach tree is no longer afflicted so i suspect the nectarine will end up okay as well

gonna be repositioning the metal gazebo frame (canvas top long since destroyed) into the center of the yard so that we can safely hang a new tarp from it and provide some central shade. looking forward to that, altho it'll be a lot of work. been using the water i saved up all during the rainy season and so far i still have a lot, which is nice - been doing a lot of water-wise planting and letting things get their own water and all. i've managed to keep the bucket pond going even tho the plastic is starting to crack and i'm dreading the eventual day the whole thing goes... sm life in there

but it's cracking bc the winters are getting so cold that the water freezes several inches down and expands, so it's like... rly tricky to deal with? debating about getting a solar powered water bubbler for it. just smth to keep the water moving a little bit and hopefully prevent it from freezing sm

i have mulched a tremendous amount this year, as i usually do. countless cardboard boxes - only plain ones, or ones with dyed parts removed, and always removing all the tape. forever trying to reuse stuff. there are still problem areas in the back and front yards, but some can't really be dealt with - like we have a lot of stray cats in the area and they sure do like to use yards as litter boxes 🙃like they're just gonna be here, it's a thing, but it does mean taking that into consideration wrt what/how we grow things

i keep getting frustrated and sad with how many things are dying out there but like. yeah. it's gonna happen. a) transplant shock is a thing, no matter how careful i try to be, b) it's hard to tell how heavily i should water things tbph, c) our soil is different all over the place, and the soil out front is very poor - which some things prefer! but definitely not all, and d) climate change. even hardy natives aren't necessarily hardy anymore, and over time native ranges seem to be shifting, so it's difficult

but i'm trying to not focus sm on what's dying and more on what's thriving, bc a bunch of stuff is :')

[smiggles]

This is gonna be abit of a mouthful, but I need to get it off my chest now that years have passed and we've (hopefully you have too) matured by now.

I once looked up to you, but that was a very long time ago. The trauma you caused me is irreversible. tbf I used to be a brat and if I could go back in time to backhand my younger self I would, I own up to that. But I was only a teenager, still growing and learning about myself and how to talk to others properly. Turns out I was pretty much autistic, so communication wasn't my strong point at all back then.

But even then, your two-faced behavior of proudly shitting on and bragging about how much money you were ripping off the furry community, the people who actively supported you, loved your work and paid your bills, was appalling. I had every right to call you out on it. Instead of accepting it was wrong, you sent your roommates out like attack dogs to fight your battles, defend your toxic behavior and harass me. Every time I blocked them they would find a different site to attack me on. I struggled to make friends for years after that incident, I felt I couldn't trust anyone because of what you guys did.

Years passed, and I genuinely hoped you had changed for the better, only to see a callout post during pride of all times, about your grossly acephobic attitude. I had friends who were blocked by you and didn't understand why. You need to understand your damaging actions have severe affects on real people, and when you make public apologies, the people who comment saying they forgive you don't count if they weren't the ones hurt by you. They don't speak for those affected.

I'm not looking for an apology, even if given one I probably wouldn't accept it after all the damage you've done to me. I have zero interest in you being in my life again. I just wanted to give you this perspective to get it off my chest and for you to mull on, I want you to use it to improve yourself as a person moving forward. See the wrong in your actions, how badly it affects others, and make the choice to make things right.

But that's up to you now.

Hey, I know who this is an I want you to know that I think about you often.

Read more below

Sometimes your stuff shows up on my feed or someone shares something with me that youve made because we have common interests and I think to myself Im glad theyre doing well and I hope youre surrounded by people who support you. I dont say this as a way to like Save face because this is a public anon. I would say this to you in private if I could. I was a very nasty person years and years ago and no apology will take back the pain Ive caused others from that. Especially not you. But I am sorry. I wish things could have been different. I do. For the acephobia. Yes. I was acephobic and horrible about it. I hurt a lot of people from that and cant ever take that back but know that Ive learned a lot about how to treat others and unpack the internalized hatred towards my own ace'ness and how others present themselves. I also want to say I never sent my roommates on you. That was a choice they did on their own without my knowledge. I never ever want someone to go after anyone on my behalf and while it is likely hard to believe that those who have known me these past 5-6 years can vouch that as true. I have on multiple occasions asked my friends to leave people alone I end up disagreeing with. I never name drop people I dont get along with. I dont even tell people besides my very very private close friends about what happened between me and you and that might be about 3 or 4 people at most. As for blocking? I block very liberally LOL and its almost never personal. I block people for the smallest things just to curate my social media experience. If you ever wanted to reconnect and try again Im here. And I have no hatred in my heart. I have held myself accountable all these years for things I should have done better. Handled softer. In the end Truly. Im glad youve made a beautiful career out of something you love and no matter what happens between us I hope you continue to thrive. With all my heart.

[heatwa-ves]

Hi Tia how r u doing. I have a long ass drive today that I'm not looking forward to... tell me about your jojos

yayyy gonna talk about hot pants because she's been on my mind lately. first of all yeah her name is hot pants from the james brown song it's deeply unserious but also I kinda respect it like she chose it herself as an alias and you gotta be a certain type of person to pull off being called hot pants. i have my own theories as to what her actual name is (helena pucci you are so dear to me) but she's only ever referred to as hot pants in canon.

so the whole plot of part 7 is that there's a load of people doing a pan continental horse race from san diego to new york in 1890 and along the way the main characters find part of a corpse and it gives them stands basically and so we have four or five groups trying to find all these corpse parts for their own goals johnny the main character is trying to find them because he thinks the corpse could help him regain the ability to walk after he was injured pre canon the president wants it because he sucks and loves america and jesus (the corpse is jesus btw) and thinks all these other backwards nations don't deserve the corpse of jesus christ diego is going after it for shits and giggles tbh hes vaguely working for the president but tbh hes just here to get paid

and hot pants she's a nun of the vatican and she's here on behalf of the vatican to find the corpse and take it back to the pope where it belongs I guess. except she's actually trying to get it because she's desperate for salvation and she thinks the corpse will save her from her sins

what sins, you may be asking. well when she was younger she and her little brother were in the woods for whatever reason I think they were picking berries idk and they were attacked by a bear and she survived and her brother didn't. she says that she killed him she pushed him towards the bear in order to escape herself but it's unclear how much of her own recollection of stuff is clouded by self hatred and time she's at least ten years older now than she was then probably more tbh . I imagine it was something like they were running and got separated and he fell behind and she couldn't go back for him or she would've died too she turned back and saw the bear kill him and had to just keep running despite his screams or something like that idk you could extrapolate a lot from here but I don't think she deliberately killed him I think that's something she's internalised and can't move on from. so she returns home and everyone is really sympathetic about the accident and the loss of her brother but because she blames herself so heavily she can't bring herself to be around all these people who love her she feels she doesn't deserve it and so she becomes a nun to get away from her family and try to atone for her sins. at some point she ends up moving to the vatican and then joins the race (at 23!!! she should be at the club!!)

so yeah shes in the race and she's a pretty important supporting character in her first appearance she rides up to johnny and gyro and is like hi im gonna fucking kill you because you killed my cow. she had a cow I guess . I don't really know why. yeah they didn't kill her cow but she's violence first questions later type of guy and so she does nearly kill them with her stand which is uhh. it's an aerosol and it shoots flesh out 👍 she does some pretty cool stuff with it tbh but that's not the point here anyway gyro thinks she's a man at this point which good for her I respect the gender game she's playing. anyway then the three of them get stuck in a timeloop and she passed out and johnny is like omg she's a woman that's cool and doesn't tell gyro because gyro hates women and johnny is the world's first feminist and them they steal her sandwiches and leave. thinking about this arc I missed out a lot because its mostly a gyro arc hp is just there it's her first appearance but she doesn't do that much

she shows up again later when the two of them are like 30 seconds away from death fixes them up with her flesh spray and steals all the corpse parts they had collected by this point she does some more stuff etc implicates herself so now she's wanted by the government and then my fav arc begins it's mostly about johnny and it's brilliant but hp is also here. they end up at a church and hp is there but she's in her nun clothes idr what it's called and gyro doesn't recognise her because he's incapable of being normal about women and he just fucks off to do whatever meanwhile johnny is talking to her and there's this scene which im soooooooooooooo obsessed with

in my beautiful world they fall in love post canon but . well. I'll get to that later and she doesn't answer him she says they're all about to die she's being taken over by this stand ability called civil war which is really really interesting it's basically like. anything the person it's targeting feels grief over comes back to haunt them and idrk how to explain what that's like ill just show u but it's pretty on the nose symbolism about hps whole character and offers pretty interesting insights onto johnny and gyro too

actually forget that im gonna talk about her and johnny they make me sick and somehow no one else sees how good their relationship is. they're really similar they both blame themselves for the deaths of their brothers but while hps family loved her so much she couldn't bear it and ran away johnnys dad said to his face yeah the wrong son died which is like. insane. hello. to your son's face. anyway they're both driven by this desire for something to save them it's like uh yk that post that goes "I hope one day they do a test on me and find out im deficient in some type of vitamin and I'm put on vitamin supplements and that solves every problem ive ever had" it's like that they want this corpse to save them but it CANT because nothing can save them but themselves johnny thinks if he's able to walk again his life will go back to how it was and a) it won't because this journey has irreparably changed him and b) he cant regain the ability to walk he can't and the problem is he can't accept that he's driven by this faith in something that can't save him and the same for hot pants she thinks of she can find the corpse it will save her from her sins but she has to be the one to move past her sins no one else can heal her theres not a switch that when flipped will fix her

she will always carry this grief with her always always and she has to learn to live with that but she's so deep in her own self loathing that all she's thought about in years is how she's a sinner in need of a saviour she has to be her own saviour she has to move on and she CANT she's been static all these years the grief is as raw as it was ten years ago arfghghhlgkfgkaglalgw however unfortunately for us all araki is incapable of writing a good ending to her (and johnnys) arcs because he regains the ability to walk magically thanks to the corpse of jesus christ and she dies in pursuit of salvation which is pointless because thats what she WANTS!!!!!

she'd rather die a martyr than live a sinner and by killing her off (pointlessly and pretty much off screen. Btw ) it ruins what her whole arc was building up toooooo god I'm so mad about this. it's fine in my beautiful world she survives and reunites with johnny after the events of canon and they travel to italy together and johnny is still disabled and they get close and grow as people and he becomes the first person she's let herself really be close to and they Get eachother and have a level of mutual respect from when they first meet and every subsequent meeting adds to that and they need another slower journey where they're not fighting for their lives all the time to address what they've been through and who they are and who they will be aghhjhj this needs to be a longfic so bad if I wasn't the worlds slowest and least motivated writer

I was gonna talk about the rest of civil war arc and her relationship with diego but it's 11:30 pm I have work in the morning and I've talked more than enough goodbye I hope this was understandable

[loversgothic]

Maybe you've done it already and I missed it, but what would Gabriel's two-week-notice look like in the Ultradanse AU?

This has nothing to do with any other comments you have made about feral Gabriel or any other desire to see how he changes from The Gilded Nightingale to The Nightingale.

:3c. OOOHH. WELL

ive been really trying to think about that hard, since comparing the characters to those in fairytales and ballets tended to skew the story a bit.

and uh... my descriptions wont be the best.. im not the best at explaining things in ballet terms moreso just based on my perception of the art form and what i see in it through my eyes.

also im gonna go off of the concept that ultradanse is almost like a stage performance, a show

the most i can do to describe how it looks is to compare it to my vision for the first encounter with Odile/V1... because of the way i designed his lil costume he has a sort of princely look, and even though hes yknow. out to kill V1 because V1 traversed past his warnings, his dancing with V1 then is much more... poised. it might feel a bit distant, maybe it might even seem like hes unsatisfied doing it, as at the time there is no personal connection with V1, no love nor hatred. its not romantic, hardly so. i dont know if this is a good example, but i was thinking abt Prince Siegfried's dancing in Waltz: Tempo di valse...

once V1 is pretty much responsible for his 2-week notice, i like to think Nightingale/Gabriel starts to match V1's high energy, his grace is kinda going out the window... itd be much more intense. if its a pas de deux hes probably getting his fucking hands all over them like hes about to tear them apart. hes abandoning that princely facade. i feel like though in the second half a pas de deux between them would make them slow their pace. now that both of them are dancing together and able to match intensity, it starts to slow down into something more... romantic? yeah :3 i like to think this, this is where any romantic tension starts

now about how he changes from the gilded nightingale to the nightingale. you see... after their second encounter, Gabriel is convinced hes going to die, after all thats what he was told. once he returns from heaven, he seeks out V1 to ask of one final request. he doesn't want to die lonely, and asks V1 to dance with him until the final hour runs out. V1 has no reason to accept his request, other than something pulling at it do so and the possibility it could take a little bit more blood before he's gone. dancing together, progressively Gabriel becomes weaker and weaker.

i REALLY wanted to keep this secret for a scene i wanted to draw but honeeesttlyyyy i dont think its too bad if i share it. after all, im not sharing V1's feelings here. im sharing Gabriel's :3

i had this whole.. plan

my thing abt pas de deuxs is that. i like to find symbolism in the fact that traditionally, the male dancer is supposed to support the ballerina to be able to perform moves she typically wouldnt be able to on her own without someone holding her.

towards the end of their dance, V1 switches positions to hold and uplift Gabriel instead, who has this entire time been in the place of the male dancer. in his approaching final moments V1 lays him down on the ground. he's hardly moving, and V1 holds onto him, finding itself not wanting him to just... disappear.

now im still figuring out HOW i want this to work. but i thought abt V1 in desperation, grasping onto the sides of his helmet and ripping his helmet in half being the symbolic thing that sets him free. the thing about the gilded nightingale, is that the armor is the bird's cage. Gabriel's design in this AU only really has the helmet and no other armor, so it just... makes sense to me. this is what sets him free. how the transformation works though? i am.. still thinking about it. you might need to give me a bit to think about that

[tooweirdforyou]

Will u not come back? :((((

hello, anon! hope you’re doing well and apologies for the late response. I hope you see this! ❤️

so, I guess this will be my answer and also my first post in about a year or so.. Im not gonna make any excuses or whatever, and cut straight to the point.

Bit of a long post but it will explain most things without being too personal just because it’s been a long time and part of me feels as though I lost that respect and privilege of being comfortable and being myself around you guys. Anyone and everyone who stayed or is a newcomer to my account.

It’s the new year. Here’s how I’ll answer you.

Do I wish to come back? Yes.

Have I been actively attempting to come back? Yes and no. I have been attempting to work on chapters for my Quotev books, but lots of writers block and just pure unmotivated to continue with where I am. Knowing it can be better if I were to redo it, continue with force or if I simply make a new book, (( which due to my imagination and inspiration by things I’ve come across, I keep wanting to start new books. ))

Have things drastically changed for me as I’ve been away? Yeah, kinda. I mean, things are getting a little more difficult for me, I won’t go into too much detail but it’s been really difficult for me personally the last several months. I’ve never been consistent in my feelings and almost always ended up more numb, empty and sad. And some days it would be so bad that I couldn’t be alone and had to be in a room with another person I knew. I’m really working on it but it really isn’t something that just goes away, as most of may or may not understand.

Am I still dating? Yes! I’m still very happy with the guy I’ve known and started dating last year and in fact, we’ll be hitting our two years very soon. I know this may be personal but I kinda just wanted an excuse to talk about him, haha.

Now, am I still writing? / interested in writing? Definitely. I just have huge motivation problems but I definitely still love that creative form of expressing your imagination into words and making a story. The problem is that I have all these ideas and it just sucks to have to do all this beginning stuff instead of making the reader or OC in love with the person already!! 😂 but yes. I honestly do love to write still and my boyfriend tries to encourage and supports me but it’s really my own fault.

do I still Roleplay? I remember mentioning this and then making an separate acc for this but never really interacted with it often because at the time I was busy. And now, I don’t anymore because it makes my boyfriend jealous, haha. I do miss it though :)

Do I still go on tumblr? Every once in a while, which is like every two weeks or so? Or just under two weeks or sometimes longer. It depends. But yes, I do check and I do love to read every new comment and message I get, I just don’t respond to it because I’m honestly a little scared.

Will I come back? I want to. I really do. But there’s a few factors that come into play-

- so much time has passed that I worry I no longer have like a mutual bond with you all and that it’s too late for me to come back and just pretend like everything is fine. It’s not. I’m worried it’s too late to just start writing again, I guess I’m nervous? I missed being able to be comfortable and be myself on here but I don’t know. I think my time has passed.

- not only that, I don’t quite know how to use tumblr anymore.

- I can’t stick to one fandom, just like my mood swings, my current obsession changes so often that I’m worried I won’t be able to keep up with certain works or keep everyone happy with my work.

- I don’t know if I should continue mt old works ( ones on Quotev )?

Start new ones?

Go back to scenarios and oneshots like I used to?

Refresh on tumblr and continue here again?

Move to AO3?

It’s the new year and I do want to better myself and change and I really hope that that means I can start over with myself and my writings once again.

I missed all my comments and messages and having mutuals and interacting with everyone. It makes me feel connected and honestly little less lonely when my boyfriend has his long busy hours..

But to finally answer properly. Yes, I want to come back but I honestly don’t know where to start or if I can.

I’ll be checking tumblr so if anyone has any questions, comments or suggestions or whatever you wish to tell me, I will be here. Maybe by next month I’ll have an answer of what I’ll be doing in regards to writing. Whether I take any advice from you guys or make my own decision.

im very deeply sorry for my absence. I hope this answers everyone’s thoughts.

sending lots of love. ❤️ thank you to everyone.